Random Rants: Guitar Zero

Written by Ian Daddybones

So after years of hating on Guitar Hero mainly due to today’s gamers complete lack of respect for the groundwork that paved the road that became today’s endless highway of notes, I have recently been playing a couple versions for my Wii.

I have never really given a Barbara Fiala fart about the series because it seemed silly that this Guitarmania clone was being shoved down the throat of the industry. With its seen it before style gimmick controller, to endless marquee scroll of button commands, and the official licensed songs (with the exception of some shitty covers). To me it seemed whack that so many people were running out to buy this game.

I mean this genre wasn’t new. I mean think about it. If your 18-21 in 2009 - that means that 10 years ago you were 8-11 and I was 20. So while ya’ll were having kiddie crack attacks just to collect every Pokemon, and watch whatever incarnation there was of Power Rangers, I was playing games like Parappa The Rapper, Bust A Groove and Um Jammer Lammy.

These titles introduced the concept of pressing buttons on point with the beat, The Good to Bad meter, catchy songs to make you want to play the game in the first place etc. Back then we had to use the D Pad - you know the cross looking thing that they didn’t hang Jesus on along with the buttons to play the game. Not these flimsy drop it once and your done cheap guitar controllers. Before Guitar Hero (and later Rock Band) Harmonix put out the PS2 titles Amplitude and Frequency and nobody really bought them. I did (Thank you Boscov’s bargain bin) and played the hell out of them.

Then 2 years later everybody and their step kids are playing nothing but Guitar Hero. I didn’t understand it. Of course being a father, it was only a matter of time before my oldest was asking for Guitar Hero. I wound up getting a hell of a deal thanks to Circuit Shitty closing so I picked her up the Aerosmith Bundle for the Wii. She loved and it and I tried playing the game and seeing what the big deal was. I can only play on Easy cause I lost the tip to one of my fingers and have no feeling in it anymore so it’s tough to know if I’m really pressing the Red and Yellow fret buttons. Most recently I stumbled upon another Guitar Hero bundle. This time at CVS of all places - yeah I said it CVS.

The good news is that it was only $39.99 with an Extra Care card, and it was Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock. So bet, now I got two guitar controllers and 2 of the games. The bad news is that of all the random face plates I could have copped, I wound up with another Aerosmith faceplate. I don’t really remember what the point of this was supposed to be but then again if you listen to my show this is pretty normal. Guitar Zero.

Ian Daddybones is a local rapper, entertainer, and hosts the Original Geeks Podcast @ originalgeekspodcast.com